16 points

Today I drank a 2 liter bottle of Caffeine Free Pepsi. That is 16 points. 16. Brilliant, huh? I guess that makes it clear why I was never losing weight before, LOL. I just figured out that a 12 pack of cans is 36 points, and I'm pretty sure that I could drink that in a day too. Nice.

Anyway, I have been SOSOSOSOSO much better about drinking soda and non-water lately. So, I will keep in mind that a 2 liter bottle is **16** points and move on. I also had 2 full fat hot dogs with rolls for dinner, and somehow I'm still hungry. Not sure how that is possible. I just checked and it's 4pts per hot dog and 2 pts per roll, so 12 pts for 2 hot dogs if I don't count the ketchup, which I usually don't.

I still LOVE soda, but I love drinking water too.

a few more things

I am still doing my push-up challenge, though I have been repeating weeks and missing workouts here and there. I am going to do it though! Hey, maybe I should do my push-ups at 3:43 am??

I took the kids to our neighborhood park yesterday (both of them in the wagon) and walked for 20 minutes on the way there to get some extra exercise. Every little bit counts, right?

I look at my weight spreadsheet a lot, and it really helps motivate me. I don't freak out over it - I just focus on where I could be and not "wasting" time not losing. This takes time, and I don't need it taking longer than it already will!! I am a little ahead, and it says 172 on 12/28 - that would be amazing for Christmas!! Maybe I can make 170 by then!!!

insomnia

Kate woke up around 2am (actually her Angelcare monitor kept going off because she likes to sleep on her side pressed up against the end of the crib) and I am still up. Right now I'm in the office trying to decide which one of a million things I want to do, when I should be figuring out how to get back to sleep. I am eating a 5pt Lean Cuisine (meatloaf and mashed potatoes, LOL) and drinking water. I have been loving eating the LCs lately - I love warm meals like that, even for breakfast. Yesterday I tried a new one that I love - Five Cheese Rigatoni (7 pts, but SO good) and had it for lunch and dinner. Can you see a theme here? I need to be COOKING and eating better! I am giving myself a break though because I've been stressed and busy with helping my mom a lot after her surgery, and I'm semi-OP and doing well. I've been seeing 187 and 188 on the scale at times - not bad since I've been at 192 so recently.

Ok, now to decide between paying bills, working on the office mess, playing on Facebook, looking at spreadsheets I've made for various things, reading the latest Sookie book, or trying to SLEEP (and probably 20 other options). Even the bills would be fun for me - I just love getting things done.

one more time?

I have 2 other copies of this, and I don't want to do this again after today!! It's sad when I look at where I could be right now, and I don't want to feel like this anymore!

a new day

After posting here last night, I posted to a message board last night and got some great ideas and encouragement- thank you! I have only been drinking water today so far, and I have had 8 pts of waffles for breakfast. I'm starving so I need to figure out what I can have for lunch or a snack! I need to get better prepared with meals and snacks.

I am just doing this. I can deal with being unhappy because I'm not drinking soda or eating everything I want. I need to just get over it. Enough already! Eating everything I want hasn't been so great, I've tried it, LOL.

up and down, on and off

I have been doing great with the push-up challenge mentioned in my last post. I have been keeping with it, and just re-started week 3. I'm repeating it because I got behind last week, and I've been struggling, and I know the important thing is to just keep going. Tonight I did 12, 17, 13, 13, 19 (74 total, girly push-ups, but still) and my total # of push-ups is at 652! 652 is good. I am proud of sticking with it. Tonight I did 25 crunches during one of my breaks in sets.

I have been on and off with eating. I'll wake up, count points, drink only water, and then slowly fall apart. I guess I could say it's good that I'm trying, and I COULD just be doing nothing and not making an attempt. But trying sucks. I need to be doing. I want this. I need to want to make enough of a sacrifice.

I have recently seen some fall clothes in stores and catalogs. Corduroy pants, rugby shirts, and other things I love, LOL. I thought about this post from last November. I don't want to be facing another fall not fitting into my pants. I don't even have money to buy clothes, but if I did, I wouldn't be wasting it on where I am now.

I don't know why I can't do this. How can I be this unhappy with myself and yet not want it enough to DO IT??????? I feel so stupid! I am hovering somewhere around 192 again, and when I look at those spreadhseets that show where I could be right now, I could just cry or scream or both! My most recent version had put me at 184 by now. Before that I would have been at 176. OMG, that would be a world of difference. Do I let it go and accept that I can't go back in time, or let it make me feel sick to the point of getting my act together? I guess there is a balance there somewhere.